Fran Drescher Skit for Episode 2

Sorry for the formatting...I copied it from Final Draft. Here is Madhuri's skit that will be airing live this Sunday as the opener. Please take a look at it and leave comments so we can talk about it at the meeting. Thanks everyone!
~KLS


INT. NEWS STUDIO.
ANDERSON COOPER
And in other news, actress Fran
Drescher has been named the new
U.S. Public Diplomacy Envoy. At the
moment Ms. Drescher is touring
Iraq, with the aim of promoting
America’s public image abroad. We
join her now live from Baghdad.
Split screen. The frame is blurry, like the camera is being
jostled around. It finally focuses on FRAN DRESCHER, tied up
in a chair, surrounded by mini-terrorists. There’s the BABY
TERRORIST with a pacifier in his mouth. LITTLE BOY TERRORIST
and LITTLE GIRL TERRORIST, who are a little older, 6 and 8-
ish. Little Girl Terrorist is wearing a Dora t-shirt. They’re
all dressed in turbans and fake beards, including the Little
Girl Terrorist. Baby Terrorist carries a machine gun, the
other two are loaded down with other weapons.
FRAN DRESCHER
Anderson! Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.
(she laughs. Little Boy
and Little Girl
terrorists instinctively
plug their ears.)
ANDERSON COOPER
Uh, hello Ms. Drescher. Uh... is
everything-
FRAN DRESCHER
We’re live, aren’t we? Kids, we’re
live! Wave to the camera!
ANDERSON COOPER
Uh, Fran-
FRAN DRESCHER
Say hello to your Uncle Anderson!
Go on! Go on now!
ANDERSON COOPER
Ms. Drescher, are you being held
hostage?
FRAN DRESCHER
What?
(laughs)
Of course not. These kids
recognized me from the show, and
they wanted me to play house with
them. At least I think so.
It’s hard to understand Iraqese.
(laughs. Little Boy
Terrorist starts to cry.)
LITTLE GIRL TERRORIST
Shut up! This is just the least of
what they will throw at us!
FRAN DRESCHER
Oh you’re so cute.
(laughs. Little Boy and
Little Girl terrorists
scream. Baby Terrorist
continues sucking on his
pacifier and staring
creepily at the camera.)
LITTLE GIRL TERRORIST
We will not give up! Death to
America! We are training ourselves
to resist your most heinous torture
techniques!
FRAN DRESCHER
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
LITTLE BOY TERRORIST
We will be strong!
FRAN DRESCHER
(more nasal noises)
LITTLE BOY TERRORIST
We have captured your most potent
weapon!
FRAN DRESCHER
(more nasal than ever)
LITTLE GIRL TERRORIST
We will not give up! You cannot
stop us!
FRAN DRESCHER
Have I mentioned that I’m Jewish?
Little Boy and Little Girl terrorists scream again, very highpitched.
Fran Drescher laughs. It all sounds really awful.
ANDERSON COOPER
Listen to me- kids- listen- just
hold on-
FRAN DRESCH
Fran Drescher laughs like a maniac, rocking back and forth in
her chair. The kids wail.
LITTLE GIRL TERRORIST
Why did you send her here!!! Why??
LITTLE BOY TERRORIST
Aaaaaaaah I can’t take this
anymore! I quit!
(tears off his fake beard
and throws down his
weapons.)
LITTLE GIRL TERRORIST
Me too, this gig sucks!
FRAN DRESCHER
What are you kids talking about?
We’re having the best time- (gets
very very nasal as she sneezes
noisily. Kids scream and run away.)-
Sorry about that, allergies- Hey
where’d you guys go?
Baby Terrorist walks up to the camera, considers it coolly,
makes an obscene diaper-grabbing gesture, clicks his machinegun,
and walks off.
ANDERSON COOPER
Ms. Drescher... are you all right?
FRAN DRESCHER
Of course I am cutie.
(laughs)
ANDERSON COOPER
Well... um... do you have anything
else to report?
FRAN DRESCHER
Yeah. Live from South Central L.A.
(sound of machine-gun fire) it’s
the Kinda Late show!